No Need to Apologize

I am a mother of girls. 

I know about dance recitals, princess dress-ups, the cheapest place to buy quality hair bows and the importance of buying a hairspray that will hold - but not stick.  I understand the difference between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy ponies, the difference between sizes 6 and 6x, that getting ready for church takes WAY longer than you think, and knowing that if they won't wear the shoes in the store when they are trying them on….well….they will never wear them.  Period.  

We believe in mermaids at our house.  We burst into song and twirl unexpectedly.  Spatulas are magic wands.  We giggle.  (A lot.)  We do sparkles, glitter, and we make grand entrances.    

But before you think I am trying to lead my daughters down a completely stereotypical path - please know my oldest daughter doesn't like the color pink - never has.  Blue is her favorite color.  She has a thing for dinosaurs too.  And my middle little, Sienna, she plays Soccer, T-Ball and loves to play with roly-poly bugs….and she will choose to do all of that - while wearing a tutu and tiara.  

They are their own little people, with their own dynamic personalities.  I am trying to help them find their strengths, interests and niche.  

When we found out we were expecting our third girl, I had similar conversations with friends, coworkers and those I had never met.

During one such conversation, I announced Baby Number Three was a healthy baby girl to which the woman with whom I was speaking raised her eyebrows - did a laugh/cough thing and said, 

"Oh, I am so sorry."

Not sure if she was trying to be funny or sincerely sorry for me, I was shocked by her response.  I went on talking...explaining we were very excited to add to our family.  Looking back I was frustrated with myself; upset that in the moment I was too startled by her comment to tell her there was no reason for her to feel sorry for me.  

I would soon get a do-over, because apparently more than just this one individual feels sorrow for my circumstance.  

It happened again.  The "I am sorry" comment.  

This time, I was ready.  

I responded by saying I couldn't wait to be the mother of 3 little girls.  To which the woman responded with another backhanded comment: 

"Well, your poor husband."  

Nope.  Wrong again.  Not my poor husband.  His daughters ADORE him.  They CHERISH the time they get to spend with him.  They want to go fishing with him.  They want to go running with him.   They want to LEARN from him.  They fight over who gets to sit next to him at the dinner table.   Jody and I have talked about this before; I know he is completely satisfied and happy with our family.

I consider myself to be quite open to ridiculous comments.  I hear them all the time working in the news industry.  Everyone has an opinion.  I am totally up for a 'Hope you are saving up for those weddings', 'bring on the drama' or 'time to buy stock in Tampax'  lighthearted comments.   

But "I am sorry"???  "I am sorry THIS is your family"???

Well - I'm not. 

I am not sorry.  I love my family - our dynamic and how God intended our makeup to be.  

Then people always ask, "Well wouldn't you like to have a boy down the road?"  Sure.  That would be great! Who doesn't want to have both genders to draw experience from?  But I would never replace any of my girls with a boy.  Numerous people have told me,

 "You just have to try again to get your boy."

Well…Nope…I won't be trying for a boy!  (Sound harsh?  It's not.)  If I am blessed to be pregnant again…(it's not a cakewalk for me to get and stay pregnant.)  So if I am blessed with a baby in my tummy, it's because we'll be happy to be expecting a FOURTH CHILD.  Another baby to love and embrace.  We would love a girl.  We would love a boy.  And if I never have a son - I am going to be fine…still really happy, folks.   That is hard for some people to wrap their minds around.  But I have learned that although, gender is huge…a child's PERSONALITY is the greater factor in distinguishing who they are and what they will become.

Addie (Baby girl number 3) was only two months old.  I was speaking with an acquaintance who was expecting her third baby.  She already had two beautiful girls.  She was not far enough along to identify gender.  She said to me,

"I just don't know what my husband and I will do if this baby is another girl!  Ugh.  I am just so worried!  We were so disappointed when we found out our first and second were girls."

Perhaps this woman never had a dear friend who experienced miscarriages or infertility to realize so many would give anything to have a baby - gender aside.  She, herself, hadn't known that pain of infertility or miscarriage.   I have lost too many to complain about a double x chromosome.   I feel so deeply for those struggling with that loss.  Losing a baby is emotionally and physically taxing.  A piece of your heart - taken.  

Coming from a family being the only able-bodied child, I know my parents would have LOVED either a son or another daughter if it meant their child wouldn't have to suffer through life with a severe disability.

I don't appreciate the "I am Sorry" comment in regards to my family make-up.  In talking with my friends with all sons - I know some of them say they have heard it too.  (Perhaps, the same group of people going around sympathizing for other people's families.  Ha!)

Before an ultrasound showed Adalynn would be our third girl, I had three different friends, who didn't know each other, tell me,

"If you find out you are having a boy, I will throw you a baby shower."

Their intentions were kind and good.  But Adalynn is not a boy.  And there were no parties thrown for her...as if to say her birth was somehow not as exciting or worth celebrating compared to if her gender had been different.

I get it.

A closet full of pink isn't the best fit for a baby boy.  A baby shower is a kind way to outfit a new baby.  But those of you with 2, 3, 4 or more kids...you know what a newborn onesie looks like after multiple spit-ups and blowouts from multiple babies.  If you are having your third baby - regardless of gender - there's a good chance you could use some new baby clothes.  The take-away here: I have learned it is not another's responsibility to make my kid feel special...that's MY job.  And they will feel my love - no matter if they are the first or the fourth.  They each complete me.  

Life with kids isn't easy.  Life with three girls is no exception.  It's not all tea-parties and manners. They fight.  They slam doors.  They get their feelings hurt (often).  And they whine.  I am sure little boys whine.  But those of you who have multiple daughters know there is something to be said about three girls whining at the same time.

Oh. My. Word.

There are times I can physically see my sanity leaving.  Like a little (let's go with a rabbit wearing a shirt that says "sanity" heading toward my front door.)  Her bags are packed, and she says:

"These conditions aren't working for me...I have to leave now.
There's too much whining."

There are days - I take time-outs for myself.  Because I just need to take a breath....in the closet...by myself.  So I can come out smiling - ready for the next challenge.  And there are days I scream into pillows or just scream out loud...and then I commit to being more patient the next day.  But that's what makes this job so exciting.  Right?  It's in my (unwritten) job description to teach them whining isn't the best option.  It isn't lovely or grateful or becoming.  I am molding little people into (hopefully) respectable and motivated good-doers.  Just the thought of it is...awesome.  Being a mom is such a big deal - it's such an important job.  

My life with three girls is messy.

And I wouldn't change it for the world.  

Families are a gift.  Children are a blessing.  Each of my girls fit.  They are right where they need to be.  I consider it a humbling task to teach them to be spiritually good, kind and anchored in truth.   Goodness knows we could use more compassionate, generous, strong women who understand their divine self-worth.

We need women who are confident - yet not self-absorbed.   Women who are strong - yet sensitive to the needs of others.  Women who realize they ARE enough - because it's how God made them.   And these women start out as girls.  And I have three, who are mine to teach and love.  I am pretty lucky.  It's a responsibility I don't take lightly.  

So bring on the chiffon, lace and can-do attitudes because I have three girls.  And I love it!  

A trio of sisters who will make this world a better place.

Over the Moon for Baby Adalynn

She came into this world without hesitation.  She was ready - I, however, was taken a bit by surprise.

Adalynn Mercy born at 4:33AM on 8/10/14

One month before Adalynn's due date, I was contracting and the doctor said she would likely come early.  During this time,  I suffered three displaced ribs.  The pain of moving them back into position was unsettling…but thankfully successful.   As the therapist pulled them back into place, my contractions were strong.  With healing, during the next few weeks, the contractions slowed.  It appeared Addie was comfortable exactly where she was.

Friday, August 8th, more than a week before my due date,  I worked at channel 2.  I reported on jet skiers lost on Utah Lake.  My photographer cringed every time I took a deep breath.  "I don't want to have to drive you to the hospital, Brittany.  Please don't go into labor," he begged.

I was going to be fine.  My other two babies came with inductions.  My body just didn't seem to start labor on it's own.  Little did I know, just 30 hours later, I would be holding my new baby girl.  

Dr. Haskett, my obstetrician, was leaving town over my due date.  He offered to induce me on Saturday, August 9th.  He is a wonderful doctor.  But I wanted Addie to come when she was ready.   I was confident she would come after he arrived home from his vacation.

So I canceled the induction….and she was born the next day.  

I spent Saturday wearing one of Jody's t-shirts.  It is a blue baseball tee with the number 32 on it.  

And it was the only thing that fit me.  

Well, fit without tugging or pulling in uncomfortable or awkward areas.  

I cleaned, DEEP cleaned our kitchen that day.  Bending over, reaching high to put dishes away…all (usually) easy tasks….seemed to take my breath away.  I was round, swollen and enjoying heartburn 24/7.  As I was still going strong cleaning; scrubbing the kitchen tile floor, the 10 o'clock news was on.  My colleagues were talking about the Supermoon that was so impressive.   The full moon happened at the same time as the moon's closest approach to the Earth.  A force of nature that the nurses at the American Fork Hospital later told me caused quite the busy rush in Labor and Delivery.  NASA called the moon on August 10th, 2014 - an "Extra Supermoon".

What a super day it was!  

I went to bed around midnight.  I woke up, catching my breath at 2:30 am.  Intense pain.  I went to the bathroom….and my water broke.  Or did it?  The doctor had broken my water with my other two children, while I was numb - so knowing whether this was the real deal or not....I wasn't sure.   I didn't want to wake Jody up if this was just a false alarm.  So I breathed through contractions in the bathroom….all while googling "when your water breaks".  Jody (bless his heart) finally came in and said - "I think we need to go the hospital." 

"Really.  I'm good.  I am still in this #32 baseball tee…maybe I could just shower really quick and…….."  (insert major groan and hunching over)

Jody's expression was one I will never forget.  "Come on Brittany, let's go," he said.  

My contractions were 2 minutes apart.  I called my mom at 3:08 am from our house…. my dad came over to sit with Gracie and Sienna.  

Jody drove like a warrior to the hospital.  Panicked, Excited, Full of Adrenaline - what a ride.  Jody told me to call the hospital while we were in route, so they would be ready for us.  Talk about the definition of multi-tasking.  I was trying to find the number - and breathe through contractions - it felt like my insides were on the outside.  My whole body curled with each contraction.  Jody later told me he thought he might have to deliver the baby in the car.  

Jody pulled into the hospital roundabout and rushed around to open my door. I limped into the hospital lobby.  The overnight security guards yelled, "good luck!"

We walked in a labor and delivery hospital room at 3:58a.m.  Two nurses were asking me questions.…address, phone number….when I went into labor with my other two children….SO many questions.  I did fill out the pre-registration documents so that we wouldn't have to go through this.  So now I am ripping my clothes off - chucking that over sized #32 baseball Tee across the room...Get me in that hospital gown and someone check me.  They told me to hop on the hospital bed, and as I did…biggest contraction yet.  Blood, liquid…all sorts of liquid, on the bed and streaming down my legs.  I had no idea that much stuff could pour out of me.  For those of you moms, who have labored unmedicated - you know that your body makes way for baby - releasing - letting go - it's quite incredible - the process.    And in the same breath I kept saying "Oh.....Oh my... Oh dear. Oh my."  It was like someone kept dumping a large bucket of water beneath me.  Seriously.  Ice Bucket Challenge - every contraction.  

The nurse checked me.  "Okay.  You're at an 8 and moving fast."

I couldn't believe it.  I had labored to an 8 at home.  And it was at that point I realized an epidural may not happen.  The nurses told me it was too late.  But the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block, which took effect immediately and in time for me to push.  The scariest part was the unknown….knowing I hadn't planned to have a baby naturally - and it was close to a reality.   It was miraculous to feel my body doing the work - progressing on it's own.  The doctor said I was at 9 cm right before the spinal block.  That blessed spinal block!  My mom tells me, while she was in labor with me,  she asked my dad, 

"Stan - just make a fist and punch me in the face.  Please knock me out!!"

That sounds like Ronda, right?!  Love her!  I was pleased that no swear words were said, and there were no requests to be punched out during my labor pains with Adalynn.   Laboring is called laboring for a reason.  I think women who choose natural delivery make that choice partially because the experience is HUMBLING and yet EMPOWERING in the same breath.  But let's be real - motherhood is humbling and empowering every single day following the delivery.  So if women want an epidural - that's a fine choice.  I did for 2 of my children's births and pain meds for the pushing part of delivery for Addie.  But with this taste of vulnerability and authenticity - I felt like Addie's birth was perfect.  

I really love Adalynn's birth story - how it played out.  When people asked me if I was going to be induced - I kept saying I wanted her to come on her own.  Well - I got exactly what I asked for:  the unexpected and uncomfortable pains which tore me from my bed, the rush; the white knuckle drive to the hospital.  (There's a reason I enjoy working in the news industry - perhaps I thrive on the adrenaline rush a bit.)  But looking at Jody and knowing he would do anything to help me in that moment - it was raw and tender.  And Adalynn arrived safely and healthy.

Such a blessing.  

As I was pushing - another soon-to-be mom was delivering next door.   She was screaming loudly.  It was like she had a megaphone and was next to my bed.  My nurse, who couldn't ignore the outbursts, said, "she didn't get an epidural or spinal block….it was too late."  

I pushed through three contractions, and Addie wasn't budging.   She was Occipital Posterior or her face looking up instead of looking at the floor, as it should be.  Face Up is like delivering a baby that weighs a full pound more - it's difficult because the baby can't flex it's head on the exit.  It's not impossible, but definitely takes longer because pushing is not as effective.  As Addie was crowning, Dr. Watabe recognized this - reached up and flipped her.  That probably would have felt...errrrr….(thankful for the spinal block especially then!)   After that - it was pushing through two more contractions - one for the head, another for the shoulders and body -- and she was ours.

But it felt like she had been part of our family forever.   

She arched her back as the doctor held her up.  

She looked beautiful.  

She came into this world a mere 35 minutes after we made it to the hospital.

Adalynn was my smallest baby weighing in at 6 lbs. 9 oz and 19 inches long.

Baby girl had blonde hair with a hue of red.  She was so sweet.   After visitors had left for the day, it was just me and baby Addie.  I looked out the big hospital windows and saw that glorious supermoon.  It was absolutely majestic - so bright - a sight I had never witnessed before.  

I held in my arms, my own celestial light; my unique slice of heaven.  

I had the moon.

Little Feet that will do Big Things...

The First picture as a family of FIVE.

Sisters

Grandma W. was awake at 3 am when I called her in labor.  She was working on her Relief Society Lesson still...at 3AM!  She is the most prepared teacher ever -  She was the first to see and hold Baby Adalynn.

Aunt Kylene and Summer 

Sienna has been a 100% Involved Big Sister since day 1. 

So Happy to Meet You.... Little One.